With the challenges of a fully included autistic son at middle school, I believed a comprehensive program had to be created.. I believe that now as much as I did then.

Why can’t young teens learn about disabled children I wondered? I was sure they could and would want to learn about differences. My faith in youth became my mission. I decided I would bring an awareness program to my son’s middle school despite the warning.

In early fall, 2001, I approached the PTSA President and asked to have my idea for an Abilities Awareness program placed on the agenda at the next meeting. She agreed. Upon hearing my proposal, the members of the PTSA unanimously voted to have the school host the program. This was an important start, and I recall how delighted I was – and relieved – that they were so receptive. Though I still had an uphill battle – I was left to create the p program on my own.

It was not so long ago that children with disabilities were segregated from regular campuses and classrooms. Even with all of the progress we’ve made in the last two decades, there still exists tremendous prejudice and resistance to inclusion in the mainstream. Though we have made tremendous strides in providing a free and appropriate public education for kids with special needs, many of the greater issues are still often ignored, underfunded, and dismissed. Kids with special needs continue to be segregated by typical peers and astonishingly, the system that supports them: read: educators and administrators.

While the students my son attended school with were generally respectful to him, they had never really included Taylor in their activities. They made fun of the weaker kids too. Back then, I wanted to help to bridge that gap. I wanted to teach the typical peers who did not fully appreciate my son’s place in their classrooms about kids like Taylor. I also wanted to help the school’s 100+ other special needs children to better fit in – to be understood.

Abilities Awareness took an entire year to plan. I wanted the students, administration and staff to have ownership of the program – and for that, they needed to be involved from the start. It was easy to enroll the kids. Not so easy to enroll admin and staff. I met with students twice per month to teach them about disabilities and to lend my vision to their own creative ideas. Occasionally PTA members or staff would pop their heads in to see what we were up to. I worked collaboratively with the kids I had enrolled to be a part of the program (ASB and other student unions) to design and promote the program, which culminated in a year-end, two day facilitation of “Abilities Awareness” for the school’s entire student body – comprised of 1200 students!

Abilities Awareness was a hands-on educational program that worked to inform and educate “typical” kids about the special needs of their disabled peers. The week prior to the two-day program, we presented students with written exercises to prepare them for what was coming next. During the program itself, we gave them an orientation in the gym (during their P.E. periods), and then had them segue 12 “sensory stations” which included wheel chair obstacle courses (gross motor), blindfold baseball (sight), backwards mirror writing (perception and hand-to-eye coordination), binoculars used backwards while walking a curved line (perceptual), mittens used while attempting buttons and zippers (fine motor), and other fun activities. I wanted the kids not just to hear about disabilities, but to experience them firsthand, and that, they did.

I was so proud that year when we won the 2002 Phoebe Apperson Hearst National PTA Award for Excellence in Education – the highest PTA honor in the country for “best in program.” We won both State and National awards. But better than that was the program’s impact. The knowledge 1200 kids gained during the event was a sight to behold. I believe we lived up to the vision of the PTA founders’ ideals that the power of individual action, and work beyond the accepted barriers of the day, and our action, can (and has) literally change the world

As for that administrator, to this day he has no idea what an inspiration he was to me. As they say, never say never!

The award, and $2,000 check helped this program to survive beyond all expectations. This year, Redwood Middle School in Thousand Oaks, California will celebrate the 10th anniversary of Abilities Awareness. Although I have been out of the loop, and others have carried the mission and values of the program forward, I will always be reminded to never say never!

Footnote: I recently opened a new bank account. Upon seeing my business card which reads “Normal People Scare Me,” the teller asked, “What is that?” I told him I made films in autism. He said “Oh, I know about that. I learned a lot in my middle school about autism.” I sheepishly asked him what school he went to. He told me it was Redwood Middle School. I smiled. He went on to say “I don’t remember much about middle school except for this program I went through to teach me about special needs. I remember learning to be more accepting of people who are different.” I was now nearly on a cloud. I said “Yea, that was Abilities Awareness, a program I created for this very moment in time.”

Keri Bowers is the founder of PAUSE4kids a non-profit organization in Thousand Oaks, California. Founder of Normal Films, she has created 3 documentary films, including Normal People Scare Me, The Sandwich Kid and Arts. Co-creator of The Art of Autism, Keri is an international speaker, author, filmmaker and advocate. Her son Taylor, now 23, lives in independent living supported by the ARC of California. Her son, Jace , now 17, continues to volunteer in special needs and siblings issues. www.the-art-of-autism.com and www.normalfilms.com

Mom 1: Does Matt have an ASD diagnosis?

Mom 2: Matt hasn’t been diagnosed with ASD – he’s PDD, ADHD, LD, and has SID.

Mom 1: What kind of interventions have you done?

Mom 2 : Traditional ABA with DTT then switched to PRT.

Mom 1: Are you doing RDI? That’s really good for socialization.

Mom 2: Yes, we’ve also done RDI, but I prefer DIR – it’s more child friendly. The best thing I found for Matt was the SCD diet, we did that after GFCF. Our DAN Dr. introduced us to the SCD. We also did IgG.

Mom 1: Did you do IgG with an IV?

Mom 2: Yes, I read a study by the NIH about IgG for children with ASD. The children were rated by the ABC and then scores compared to their IgG levels.

Mom 1: Hmm, interesting. We have Kevin on an SSRI that helps with his anxiety. He had an EEG and it didn’t show any SZ’s. I was worried about SZ’s. Do you have the SCD as part of Matt’s IEP? I think IDEA allows for dietary inclusions.

Mom 2: No, it is in his IPP. The SC at TCRC suggested we add it to his IPP. We did an ATEC from the ARI website and Matt improved with the SCD. We also added EFA’s to his diet.

Mom 1: Really? Kevin has behavior problems. He’s on the GFCF diet. He has GI problems and IBD. Maybe we should try the SCD. I heard good things about the BED diet. Have you?

Mom 2: Yes, I may try that one at another time.

Mom 1. Couldn’t hurt. We added a BIP as part of his IEP. His OCD was causing problems in the class. We had to do a FBA. The school district hired a BCBA from CARD for consultation.

Mom 2: That must have been expensive. Is Kevin in a SPED SDC class?

Mom 1: He’s in the LRE – a regular ed class with a TSS. He’s getting FAPE.

Mom 2: Does he use any kind of AT?

Mom 1: He uses FC; the TSS has been trained on FC as part of an AT training at the SELPA. We did an ATA to determine that he would benefit from FC.

Mom 2: Our SLP works with PECS.

Mom 1: Does that work? The school district likes the TEACCH method, but I don’t care for it.

Mom 2: It seems to help. Matt responds well to SS’s and we just got him an IPAD. We put that in his IEP.

Mom 1: I hear there are good ASD APPS for IPADs

Mom 2: Yes, I heard that too.

Mom 1: Do you have an OT as part of your MDT?

Mom 2: Yes, and Matt receives SI as well.

Mom 1: I went to a training class on SI that was offered by the SELPA.

Mom 2: Our LEA doesn’t offer that type of training.

Mom 1: I’m worried about the DSM-V and the new classifications.

Mom 2: Me too. I don’t know why they want to change the DSM IV. Do you receive IHSS?

Mom 1: No, our family makes too much money. When Kevin is 18, he will be eligible for SSI. We want him to be in Inlv. I heard the DDS is making the RC’s cut their budget.

Mom 2: I heard that too. I hope ARCA is lobbying against the cuts. What does Kevin do for ESY?

Mom 1: .The school district offers a short program. We have some fun SI activities planned for the summer. How about Matt?

Mom 2: We’re going to work on a PTP for him over the summer. He’ll be 18 in November. I want him to be able to pass the CAHSEE.

Mom 2: Look at that NT over there. (Mom 2 points her finger in the direction of the sandbox. They both look at a little girl playing in the sand.)

Mom 1: Do you think she is really a NT?

(The little girl starts flapping her hands)

Mom 2: She looks a little stimmy.

Mom 1 (sighing) Yea, NDA’s are rare these days.

Mom 2: She’s probably NDY.

Glossary

ABA – Applied Behavior Analysis
ABC – Autism Behavior Checklist
ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
ARCA – Association of Regional Center Agencies
ARI – Autism Research Institute
ASD – Autism Spectrum Disorder
AT – Assistive Technology
ATA – Assistive Technology Assessment
ATEC – Autism Treatment Evaluation Checklist
BCBA – Board Certified Behavior Analyst
BED – Body Ecology Diet
BIP – Behavior Improvement Plan
CAHSEE – California High School Exit Exam
CARD – Center for Autism and Related Disorders
DAN – Defeat Autism Now
DDS – Department of Developmental Services
DIR – Developmental Individual-Difference Relationship-Based Model
DSM – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
DTT – Discrete Trial Training
EEG – ElectroEncephelogram
EFA – Essential Fatty Acids
ESY – Extended School Year
FAPE – Free and Appropriate Education
FC – Facilitated Communication
GFCF – Gluten Free/Casein Free
GI – Gastro-Intestinal
IBD – Irritable Bowel Disorder
IDEA – Individual with Disabilities Education Act
IEP – Individual Education Program
IgG – Immunoglobulin G
IHSS – In-Home Support Services
Inlv – Independent Living
IPAD – tablet computer designed by Apple
IPP – Individual Program Plan
IV – Intra-venous
LD – Learning Disability
LEA – Local Education Agency
LRE – Least Restrictive Environment
MDT – Multi-Disciplinary Team
NDY – Not Diagnosed Yet
NDA – Not Diagnosed with Anything
NIH – National Institute of Health
NT – Neuro-typical
OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
OT – Occupational Therapist
PDD – Pervasive Development Disorder
PECS – Picture Exchange Communication System
PRT – Pivotal Response Training
PTP – Personal Transition Program
RC – Regional Center
RDI – Relationship Development Intervention
SC – Service Coordinator
SCD – Specific Carboyhdrate Diet
SDC – Special Day Class
SI – Sensory Integration
SID – Sensory Integration Dysfunction
SLP – Speech and Language Pathologist
SPED – Special Education
SELPA – Special Education Local Plan Area
SS – Social Stories
SSI – Social Security Income
SSRI – Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor
Stimmy – self-stimulating
SZ – seizures
TEACCH – Treatment and Education of Autism and Related Communication Disorders
TCRC – Tri-Counties Regional Center
TSS – Therapeutic Support Staff

Continue reading on Examiner.com Alphabet soup: autism mom speak – Santa Barbara Autistic Art | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/autistic-art-in-santa-barbara/alphabet-soup-autism-mom-speak#ixzz1owwvM2TE

That was the first time I can remember my son putting a string of words together in a powerful way that resonated deeply within me. It would be a couple more years until Taylor would be diagnosed with autism and his funny manner of speech, sensory and behavioral issues would all finally make sense to me – at least to the degree that anyone can make sense of autism.

Ice Cream! Ice Cream!

The ice cream truck came rolling slowly down the street, that familiar jingle blaring loudly on its speaker. Like Pavlov’s dog, I had been conditioned as a child to run to the curb for ice cream when I heard that old familiar tune. Now, Taylor was well conditioned by it as well.

“Mommy! Mommy! Ice Cream! Ice Cream!” Without thought or hesitation, Taylor ran from the house out toward the curb, naked, bare to the world. I gasped with horror. “Oh my God! He’s naked in the front yard.” More than a little bit ashamed, which I’m loathe to admit it, I was not so much distraught that he was standing at the curb naked, but rather I was worried what the neighbors would think. Fitting in to my neighborhood “norm” was especially important to me in those days.

Taylor was six years old then and was easily at least or more a foot taller than other boys his age. He had always been quite tall. “In the 120% range” his doctor had recently told me with some surprise. Taylor looked to be a boy of at least eight, maybe even nine. And there he stood, not appearing to be six years old, but older. A boy who by all appearances, should have known better than to appear in public in his birthday suit.

It was often that way for me and for Taylor. People would look at us in “that” way – a slight tilt of the head, told me they were trying to make sense of this strange boy; trying to figure out what was different about him. His awkward speech, disconnected gaze, repetition of topics like roller coasters, indifference to people, and questions that came out of the blue – starting and ending in no particular order. How odd he was. So not “normal…”

When people looked at Taylor (us) in that perplexed way, they reminded me of little puppy dogs cocking their heads to the side while trying to figure out what was being said to them. “Strange” as I often overheard grownups and children say.

“Here! Here! Ice cream, ice cream!” Taylor cried as the truck came to a stop in front of our house. Then I heard it. The laughter rose up and like a knife, it cut into my heart. The boys next door were laughing at him – laughing their asses off. My heart sank. I wanted to save him.

At hearing their laughter, Taylor only became more excited. He jumped up and down, clapping his hands. So sweet and naive he was, he thought they were laughing with him. He interpreted their hysterics as equal enthusiasm to his own at the ice cream truck’s arrival. It was clear he thought they were laughing with him – not at him.

If it’s possible to die a thousand deaths, I did so in those moments. I didn’t so much feel pain that he was naked, and it wasn’t even necessarily the fact that he was being laughed at — though that hurt like hell, but rather it was the fact that Taylor was so innocent I feared the world would swallow him up and that he’d be the one to offer the world the knife and fork to eat him with.

The Sweet Bitter, Bitter Sweet, No Nonsense Truth

Katherine Sammons sat opposite me at the table dominating the relatively unimpressive room at the impressive, even intimidating U.C.L.A. Neuropsychiatric Hospital.

“Well, we know what’s wrong with Taylor.” she said.

“Oh my God.” I though to myself. I had searched for years to uncover a diagnosis, some form of tangible explanation to reveal the nature of Taylor’s otherwise idiosyncratic, if not odd behaviors. Now she was putting a label to these behaviors. “Our team’s diagnosis is unanimous.” she said. I held my breath.

She leaned slightly forward in her seat “Taylor is autistic.”

She paused for a moment and continued gently, calculatedly, seemingly empathetic and concerned. “The good news is that now you’ll have some answers to your questions. The bad news is that autism doesn’t go away. Taylor will be autistic for the rest of his life.”

“The rest of his life?” I though to myself incredulously. I sat there, stunned, motionless. “Do you know anything about autism?” she asked.

“Autism? Yes, I think I’ve heard of it. Wasn’t Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man autistic?”
“Well, yes he was, but that’s the interesting part, Taylor is not as severely afflicted as that character was, or for that matter as severe as many others.” She went on to explain the general nature and characteristics of autism. I continued to sit there, frozen, momentarily rendered speechless.

And in that moment, ‘What is normal?’ would become a major question in our lives, and together we found our answers.

Taylor has changed my life forever. All these years later, I am a better mother, and woman, for his grace in my life. Today, Taylor is 23, lives in independent living, and has traveled the world with me to promote the 3 films we’ve made together. Today he stands on stages, and speaks a philosophy we would all do well to understand. His “normal,” is mankinds aspiration: to become become better human beings by being who we are at any given moment.

Keri, after our conversation yesterday about independence, I felt the need to cut some of my strings with Nick. SO this morning when he got dressed to run and since I was sick…Nick went on his own.He called happily on his way back saying things went well.

It took a little longer than I would have expected but I just let it go. Finally he comes in the front door smiling and proud. He is standing there holding two booklets and I said what are those? He say’s “Oh just some stuff the neighbors gave me to read”. I look at them and see that they are Jehovah Witness pamphlets.

I broke into a huge belly laugh, which Nick did not get. I was so worried about him being bit by a dog, a confrontation by a bully, being hit by a car or something of that nature. It felt really good to set him free..I think I will be doing more of this. Thank you Keri for that inspiration. I needed to confront those issues I had.Big warm heartfelt hugs,

Christinna/Mama Bear

A big part of our talk in Michigan will be how we “grew” his abilities.  I call this the “ART” of autism.

Some of you know that when Taylor was about a year and a half old, I was told he might never walk or talk. In those days – what I call the “dark” ages of autism – so little was known about autism, let alone high functioning autism or Asperger’s. And so I had to use my intuition and creativity to help him be successful in this world of unreal reality.

When he was one year old, I began using paint on the tips of his finger tips and the palms of his hands to help diminish sensory issues. I’d have him paint with his hands (he didn’t like this much at all) but I smiled, held him (which he didn’t necessarily like either) and paint with him. I would laugh as he put paint on my face and his. Messy was good. I relaxed around the process, and eventually so did he. I joined him in his world – and would say “icky!” and make a face until he gave a (sort-of) smile.

He didn’t smile much in those days, so I would take photographs of him, and my sister, a photographer, would set him up with props and pose him. After we developed the photos (those were the days of corner film processing stores, before digital cameras,) I would show him photo after photo and use my words… “Taylor is smiling here!” I would say. “Taylor is frowning here!” and I’d crack a frown on my face. At times it seemed I was not getting through to him, but I kept at it. As he got older, I would “pose” him with cereal boxes, milk and other items and have him “sell” the product on camera. We’d make up slogans and songs about the products.

“Taylor is selling Cheerios!” I would say. “Ummmmmmm, Ummmmmm cereal is good!”

He would laugh as he was by then old enough to know about Saturday morning cartoons and the kid-friendly ads they promote on commercials that sell millions.

And I would sing social stories to him. I found Carol Gray’s social stories when he was very young. This was one of the first intervention tools that really made sense to me, but even with that, I up-leveled the game. I would write a social story and then sing the story and dance around, encouraging him to sing the words with me. Sometimes he would (echolalia and all) repeat parts of the song. These were days when he had only about ten-twenty words of his own, but was beginning to repeat what I would say or sing… “Put on your shoes and tell me that you love me!” Taylor would chime in “tell me – love me.”

I used these strategies (and more) every minute of every day. Every moment of time was an opportunity to teach (and be taught by him.) Teaching Taylor was a game of fun and excitement when I had the energy. It was exhausting and frustrating when I did not, or when he had meltdowns. But I kept at it.

During this time in my life, I was often on stages speaking about parenting, etc. Often I brought Taylor on stage with me. This exposed him to crowds of people, and being put in front of them. One time, I was talking about “Parenting in Sobriety” Taylor was about 4, and not-yet-potty trained. He was about 4 ½ feet tall at 4, so his very tall self looked odd in diapers, but that’s another story…

As I was presenting my talk on the ups and downs of parenting, his aide walked him into the auditorium, and there he was, excitedly running down the isle and up on to the stage. “Mommy!” he exclaimed. As he reached me, right then and there, he flooded the stage with diarrhea! I was petrified. Oh my gosh! My kid just pooped the most awful smelly mess in front of 200 people. Embarrassment, shame and humiliation aside, I smiled at the audience, and said “This is parenting in sobriety.” Everybody laughed as I scooped him up and dragged him – poop dripping on the floor – to the nearest restroom to wash him down.

The point of this is two-fold. One, Taylor was getting used to being in front of people. Two, I did not shame him or show my upset at his accident. Instead, I smiled and worked with what I had. In this I was “showing” not telling” him that he was okay even when the situation was not.

I continued using the arts in every possible way I could to help my son to emerge from his shell. I could see clearly these strategies were working. His language was improving, his smiles were more frequent, and his meltdowns were less frequent. He was even beginning to let me hold and hug him without apparent the pain he experienced in this intimacy.

When Taylor was in between the 4th and 5th grades, I put him in a drama class – actually it was a summer “enrichment” program for typical kids that offered drama, speech, and art, none of which he was particularly good at on his own in the classroom. I fought my school district to provide the program for him. I explained that summer school was a wasteland for kids watching videos. They told me they were not responsible for “enrichment.” So the district fought me over paying for the program even though it was through the school district. But I prevailed and Taylor was enrolled in the class.

As it turned out, Taylor was made to play the lead role in the show – Paul Bunion. I was shocked and happy that he had been chosen. “You want my Taylor to play the lead?” I asked. Yes, we do. Wow, now those were great people who have no idea today how much that opportunity meant for Taylor and for me.

Because he spoke in a very low volume (our kids are often hyper or hypo) loud or quiet, they gave him two microphones for his scenes. I remember wondering why they gave him two, but they did. When he spoke his lines, OMG! He was brilliant. I beamed from the front row. BUT, when his scenes were over and the other kids took their leads, he started to swing props in circles and then blow kisses to me from the microphone.

SMACK, WOOSH, Blow! The sound was like nails on a chalk board.

I looked at Taylor and mouthed “stop! put the microphone down,” adamantly motioning to him with my hands, “down, down, down!” But this just made him blow harder and louder.

SMACK, he kissed his hand and held it out toward me – WOOSH with a kissing blow.

I was embarrassed and ashamed. But that was on me. The audience – all the parents in the room who did not know my son had autism – seemed not to mind at all.

In the end, Taylor had a blast. And he was so successful in this non-stressful, encouraging environment where his autism did not matter and he was not getting a grade, that the following year (5th grade), for the first time in his life, Taylor was able to stand in front of the room and share an oral report with greater ability and confidence; something he could never do prior to that summer program. In fact, he became quite good at presenting oral reports and sharing in class became easier for him as well.

I then discovered that filming Taylor to catch him in “desired” behaviors was especially helpful. I would catch him doing good things – making good choices as I would say to him – and then replay the video to show him how he appeared to others. I would ask him what he saw, and then use my words to walk him through what I saw. Inevitably I would “catch” undesired” behaviors as well. I’m here to tell you, it is one thing to “tell” your child about their behavior. It’s entirely a different thing to “show” them.

Soon after, I began to film kids in social and life skills groups I facilitated. We would do on camera interviews and then replay the content the following week – all the kids in these groups had, at last, minimum language. Invariably the role models in the group loved to watch themselves. Those who were uncooperative or had meltdowns on film and actually “saw” themselves in this light, would exclaim “I want to do that again!”

When people “see” their behaviors, there is a markedly different response than when we merely “tell” them about their behaviors.

Over the years, I began to take my strategies out into the community. In addition to strategies utilizing the arts in social and life skills groups, I used them with hundreds of kids who attended my Summer and Spring camps, which I facilitated for 5 years. The results – though anecdotal – were stunning.

Today I receive calls yearly from parents whose kids were in my camps, and who are now grown. The parents tell me the same thing over and over. “Keri, you were so great with my kid when they were little, and now I need your help with puberty; transitions to adulthood,” etc.

Currently I am working one on one with one such “kid.” Actually he is an adult (19) who is angry with having autism. For 7 months now, I have worked with him, not on social skills per se, but rather he interns for me on the new film I am making called “Desire”. The film is about sexuality, dating, relationships, safety and disabilities. This young man helps me with research, errands, art projects (he’s in college to become an artist). I use the arts to help him to emerge as a young adult as more of himself, happy and fulfilled with who he is, autism and all. In the beginning when he started with me I used a rating scale to see how he felt about certain things. On a scale of 1-10, he was a 10 for angry at having autism. Some six months later when I had him redo the rating scale, he was a 7! He is getting exposure to his possibility, and in that he feels better about his autism.

As for Taylor, for the past 5 years, he travels globally with me to present our films & share his story of life w/ autism and how the arts helped him improve key skills. Indeed, it was actually Taylor who decided to make our first film. With his enthusiasm for filmmaking, he is the one who helped make it all happen. In fact, and eventually make our highly regarded films, Normal People Scare Me, The Sandwich Kid and ARTS.

Taylor also co-facilitates social skills groups for kids w/ autism every Wednesday night, and is taking sociology in community college to, as he puts it, “Help me understand the kids better.

In economically challenged times, people with disabilities are losing services & programs due to cuts left and right. Bring the arts to life by showing your child “how to.”

Utilizing the arts can be FREE or relatively LOW COST! I encourage you to be creative and find ways to help your child to emerge and grow through the arts – even if all you can’t draw is a stick figure or you sing off key!

Use music, dance, drumming, singing, instruments, paint, drawing, drama, role playing, cameras and video cameras. Lay down in the grass with your child and help them to find figures and creatures in the clouds.

Mostly, join your child’s world and enjoy the freedom that they experience in a world called AUTISM.

Finding good supports and services for the young 18-30 year old’s after they leave the school system is hit and miss. Here in California our supports are being cut left, right and center.

While I work making films in autism and other disabilities and work with my son and others in the arts to support and encourage the development of social and life skills, it’s not always so easy to work with my own son.

I find I have to let go and have others do this (for the most part) in order to help him maintain his sense of self and not feel babied by me. He responds (as an adult) much better to outside supports.

He does respond well to my suggestions when I don’t get too close to “s”mothering him.

Any other professional / parents out there who experience the same issues?

Though he knew the basics about where babies came from, proper and improper touching, stranger danger, and the fact that it was okay to masturbate in private but not in public, at 12, I felt it was time for Taylor to understand more about sex, sexuality and protection.

“But Taylor, you need to have a better understanding about sex.” I said… He wanted zero part of this discussion. “Arrrrrrrrrrgh!” he replied.

Was it so hard because I was a single mother trying to teach my young pubescent son about an embarrassing subject? After all, most kids don’t really want to hear about sex, love, protection and relationships from their mother.

I wondered how much autism contributed to his inability to comprehend and cope with such a discussion – which by the way I attempted to have again when he was 13, 14, 15, 16, etc. But I was determined. Even if it took dozens of approaches to get him to filter and digest the topic of sex and safety, he would eventually hear the message.

So I went to the library and checked out the best books I could find – ones with great pictures and reverent yet “hip” approaches to the subject of sex, and plopped them down on his bed. “Here read these.” I said. “If you won’t talk with me or anybody else about sex and safety (I had composed a list of male friends and family he could talk to but he refused) then you have to read about it.” And that is how Taylor received his first introduction to the realities of sex and safety. All this even before they began sex education in school, because I felt he would need longer to digest it all.

Looking back, I see I had it very easy with Taylor’s learning curve as compared to many others who have a child with greater challenges, and yet it was by no means easy to create this education. There are tangible and intangible obstacles that make the process of teaching sex education harder for individuals with disabilities. Whether it is cognition, language, physical, mental, or emotional deficits or other things that challenge our special needs community, ours is surely a difficult path. And yet disability is no excuse for not providing the best education we can. As parents and professionals, we must take the bull by the proverbial horns and do the best we can to provide this solid education in sexuality and safety. It is unfortunate, but true, that many parents assume their child/adult lacks desire, urges, lust or wants – yet this is simply not true.

But how does one teach safety, for example, to a young girl who is 13 or 15 but has the mind of a 5 year old? How does one teach a young boy about appropriate touching when he is hyper tactile and doesn’t understand the ramifications of touching oneself – or others – in public? How about a person with a physical disability for example; how often do we assume they need no education because they are not sexual beings? These questions, myths and truths (and more) will be explored in my new documentary film on this topic.

I have seen too many special kids grow to be adults with little understanding of their bodies, their urges, and personal safety, and thus have lesser sexual wellness as adults. And I have witnessed how lack of education and awareness has led to abuse. This film will be an effort to wake us up as parents, professionals and as a society; to share an informative and open dialogue on this important topic.

Certainly it is harder to teach this population about sexuality and safety, but teach we must. We need to accept that sex and sexuality are a fact of life – even for our special needs child/adult.

Though society, magazines, and the media would have us believe that sexuality is just for the “able-bodied,” this is a myth and is simply not true. All people possess desire and all individuals are entitled to sexual wellness and happiness. And so we must, I repeat, we must dispel the myths and do a better job at education and openness in this community. Sexual literacy is imperative, not just for some, but for all.

My new film, “DESIRE” will be my fourth film, but my greatest challenge. Clearly sexuality with all its tentacles (including dating, relationships, love, protection, abuse, etc.) encompasses a very difficult subject to dissect, and harder still to boil down to a 60 minute format, but this is the plan – so wish me luck!

Soon, I will post detailed questions in my blog for those of you who would like to chime in on this topic. For now, I leave you with this baseline question:

What are your feelings about the general topic of sexuality and disabilities? Serious replies only please.

Is this bad form? Perhaps it is. There is something to getting up and putting on a face and breaking out the fabulous clothes I have in my closet – if for no other reason than to enhance self-esteem and feel good about myself by looking good. But I’ve got to say that the time and effort it takes to get dressed up just to sit in my home office to work feels like a waste of my already over-extended precious workday.

As it turns out, I am not alone. Last year I summoned the courage to dare to share my pj proclivities with my BFF Stephanie. Up until that point, I really thought I was the only one nutty enough to stay in my pj’s all day to work. “I’m a freak.” I said. “I work in my pajamas.” She just laughed. “Keri, do you think I get dressed if I don’t have to? I work in pajamas too!”

And that got me thinking. How many women work from home in pj’s and sneak into Starbuck to get a cup-o-java hoping nobody will recognize them while dressed in their jammies? While millions of women work from home there’s really no way to know how many hold off on showering to stay in their pajamas. It’s not the kind of question one can’t ask on “Ask Jeeves” and get an answer, so I took a poll on Facebook. What amazing insights I found.

Leta responded, “I do work from home in my PJ s and love it. I prefer my wild side pj’s – they’re leopard. As for my make up, depends on the mood I am in. My husband prefers me without it. I work for myself running a non-profit that helps families with autism and other disabilities. And yes, I have driven through the drive in window at the bank and Sonic many times in my leopard pj’s!”

Monica’s reply made me laugh. “Usually I have this baggy pant/pajama combo going on just in case I want to run out to get some printer ink or to get the mail. But I like to sleep sans clothing (like a free bird) so it’s good to have something by the bed to slip into for those middle of the night pee runs just in case I encounter my teenage daughter in the hall and she shouts out “Ah!……my eyes!!! …….They’re burning!…….put some clothes on mom!!!!!!!”

“Oh yes! I work in my pj’s and love it!” say Lisa. “I wear very comfy pajamas with no makeup. I don’t wear makeup at home, but definitely do when I have a meeting outside.” Lisa has three kids, so her choice to work from home to parent them was a major contributor to her decision to work from home.

Altogether about 40 women answered my query, and of them, only one, Judy, said she preferred to get up and get all dressed up for her day. “I dress as if I’m going into the outside world to work. I find it more motivating. But I don’t do suits.”

It may be indeed that dressing up motivates the spirit or the mind, even setting a tone for a productive workday, but with so much to do in the fast-paced world, for me, getting dressed to go to work is just one more thing I can take off of my to-do list. I just wish I could find the matching leopard print slipper I lost. I loved those slippers 

i see today’s world as a “fast food society” wherein people, especially working women and mothers have more on their plates than ever before. In the 21st century our lives have become more complicated than ever. Many women opt to work from home in the hopes they will have more time for family and home, yet find juggling the responsibilities of home, family and work are extremely challenging.

Though men have become more involved with child-rearing and household chores than in our own father’s day, the fact is women still maintain the primary responsibility for home and family matters – even in today’s so-called modern world. Because of this, working outside of the home affects work attendance negatively – more so than with our male counterparts. This is another factor in women deciding to work from home.

With technology at our fingertips, including computers, the internet, iPods, BlackBerry’s, fax machines and other technological wonders more than ever home-based businesses are springing up. Working from home affords women and mothers the ability to “claim” their workability while still holding the title “chief cook and bottle washer.”
Did you know?*
- About 60 percent of all women are in the labor force, compared with nearly 75 percent of all men.
- Women comprised 46.5 percent of the total U.S. labor force and are projected to account for 47 percent of the labor force in 2016.
- Women are projected to account for 49 percent of the increase in total labor force growth between 2006 and 2016.
- Moms with kids under six represent the smallest demographic group of the total number of employed people in the U.S. however they command the largest percentage of paid home-based workers.
- Almost 1 out of 10 stay at home moms, with kids below the age of 6 get paid to work at home or have their own home business.
- Of the total 9,331,000 of working moms with kids under the age of 6, 377,676 get paid (by someone else) to work at home.
- 526,164 have their own home-based business.
- Among married-couples where both the wife and the husband work, about one-fifth of the wives earn more than their husbands.

*Compiled by the Women’s Bureau of the United States Department of Labor, June 1993 and U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Unfortunately statistical information is always years behind the current data.

As for Me…

My exodus from the corporate world began 11 years ago when I had the courage to finally stop working for “the man.” Running my own business had always appealed to me, but I had a lot of fear around leaving my salaried career to start something new. When I say a lot of fear, I really mean it. It is scary to leave the old and begin something in uncharted territory. Even if what is old is not what we love, at least it is safe. But you know life is not a dress rehearsal.

When I first started working from home, I thought it would mean I would have more time to spend with my kids, but that turned out not to be true. Working from home often leaves me with fewer hours in the day to spend with my kids because running my own business means I have to work harder, smarter, more hours, and be “on call” more often than I did in my conventional 9:00 – 6:00 career. On the other hand, I am able to be more flexible so I can pick my son up from school, attend school performances, go to doctor’s appointments and do other important things with my kids than a conventional career in an office would afford me.

When I left the work force to start a non-profit organization, PAUSE4kids, I learned the hard way that working from home really meant paying my dues. Because the non-profit sector is not a well paid field to be in, I became a part-time custom painter and a part-time wedding minister. I did these things for 5 years until I was able to finally build a foundation for my home business that would support me. Today my work is still in disabilities advocacy but it has shifted from non-profit to for-profit in filmmaking, providing services, and facilitating workshops and seminars.

How About You?
If you are interested in starting your own home-based business, or growing the one you are already invested in, I believe your success is connected to some very important steps to create or grow your plan with five essential components:

Desire: to move you forward to take action on creating the plan

Discipline: to create your plan of action, including business plan, marketing strategies, and learning everything you need to know about your business

Structure: to help you design the plan

Mission / Vision: to guide the plan

Openness: to help you see past what you think you already know about your plan or current business

ABC’s
A: Align, Adapt and Action
Align: In order to build a successful at-home business you must have the right frame of mind. You must align yourself with belief in yourself, your goals, your abilities and your product. The power of positive thinking can propel your career forward in any direction you dream or desire when in alignment with a higher vision. Every negative thought is a path to disaster. Turn off the TV news. Write affirmations about your success. Visualize your success and see yourself at the top.
Adapt: Adapt your skills with current trends and needs. In our fast food society, people want it and they want it now. What can you provide that is timely, current, topical? How can you improve old strategies to create new opportunities? What up-sells can you create? Stay-at-home moms with no former experience can adapt their at-home skills to at-home businesses. What are you good at?

Action: Taking action can be hard. Where do you start? Try a 10 minute a day plan (you determine how many days a week) and spend that time without fail to search the net, do research, talk to others who are successful in a similar line of work to find out how they became successful. Study success. Write your business plan and mission statement. Let your research help you to determine what action steps you can take to build or grow your business. (Note: I wrote a book on this plan). Be in action. Don’t talk about what you’d like to do – do it!

B: Brushing-Up and Beliefs

Brush Up on Skills: Are your computer skills as good as they could be? How about your office management or bookkeeping skills? If your-home based business will not outsource some of the key ingredients to running your own business, you will need to brush up on or learn new skills in order to be successful. Take online courses, a class at community college or adult school to learn new skills that will support your home-based business. We have some great resources here in our County.

Beliefs: What do you believe about the economy? About your abilities? What were you taught as a child, and how do those beliefs affect you today? Take a good look at your belief system to see where old ideas and “stories” may hold you up from running a successful business. Write affirmations on post-it notes and leave them where you will see them. Do this to counter old beliefs that do not work, and to create new values in your belief system.
C: Creation, Communication, Consistency
Creation: Close your eyes and picture the next step. Whether you define success as a simple home based-business or you want to build a large company, it won’t happen until you imagine it. Use the internet to guide your creation.

Communication: Look at your communication skills. Not everybody is a salesperson, but everybody who is in business has something to sell. What are your strengths and weaknesses in the way you communicate with others? Join networking groups or Toastmasters to get more in touch with your communication skills.

Consistency: How consistent are you? In my line of work, I am only as good as the value I add to what I am selling. I need to be consistent in my presentations, making or returning phone calls and emails. My clients need to be able to rely upon my word. It takes many turns to gain a client, but only one screw-up to lose them!

THE HOME-BASED WORKFORCE IS GROWING STEADILY

The home-based workforce has been growing steadily for decades yet current economics are causing the home businesses to grow even more rapidly. With current technologies and abilities to reach out and touch someone in an instant, we have access to people (read: customers) around the world 24 hours a day. And let’s face it, with economically challenged times more than ever we need to find was to make money to support our families and keep our homes. Everything you need to create or grow your home-based business is at your finger tips.
Did you know that people who own their own home-based business have less education than those who work in mainstream America? 58.9.0% have less than high school diploma, with 54.0 having high school but no college. 46.7% have some college or associate degree, with 24.1% having a Bachelor’s degree or higher. Yet strangely, higher education seems almost to be a handicap for people starting their own home-based business. “The less education the better” appears to be the rule when considering the educational levels of people who have their own home-based business.
Ultimately, choosing a form of work that you have a passion for will be better than doing something you don’t really like. It has been said before, love what you do, do what you love, and you will never work a day in your life.

For more information, I suggest you visit Work at Home Moms Meetup Groups at http://workathome.meetup.com/591/

As we passed over the Meridian divide, I couldn’t help but notice a shift in my consciousness. I was instantly aware at that exact moment in time and space I was betwixt and between: where the East meets the West; night becomes day; and troubles meet solutions. It seemed a rather befitting metaphor considering my unkempt self.

The flight attendants (a most excellent, all-female crew) were all fresh, coiffed, with perfect hair and makeup. They smiled, with authentic friendliness. Suited up in their pencil skirts, starched pin striped blouses, with sweet pink or purple scarves tied in neat little artistic flurries about their necks, they all looked stunning. The fact that they worked in high heels and pantyhose – yes, pantyhose – made me smile. I don’t wear heels so much anymore. Every attendant looked fresh as a daisy.

The 10+ hour flight from Tokyo to LAX is a long and grueling flight, yet these women were at the top of their game. Minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, they took their work quite seriously while looking great.

As for me, I looked like a piece of wilted lettuce.

In taking note of this juxtaposition, it occurred to me that in each minute – each millisecond of the day or night, we each make a choice. We strive for perfection or settle for less; we strive to joy or settle into our fears.

With each choice we make, we see that we are able to rise to the occasion of the needs of our desires, vocation, or circumstances in life when we want to be successful, triumph, or achieve excellence. Those attendants were successful, exceptionally powerful women who worked their butts off to rise to such excellence. I was impressed.

Closing in on Los Angeles, I got up to use the tiny micro toilet airlines call a bathroom (I submit such containers were created by a man who stands to pee). Confronted by the blaring, all-too unflattering, if not nauseating lights, I appeared to myself in the mirror in worse shape than I had imagined… “Maybe I should wash my arm pits, or at least put on some fresh makeup.” I mused.

“Naaaaaagh!” I settled for brushing my teeth. I had accomplished my work overseas with the Military and now that my work was done, I was exhausted and ready to get home to rest. Yet, even as I stood there melting away, I was invigorated. I was ready to breathe in what I had unexpectedly learned while I was away.

So what do flight attendants with sweet pink or purple scarves, wilted lettuce, and the Meridian divide have to do with this article? It’s the difference between night and day; yesterday and today; a demarcation of East and West; and a strong metaphor for who we are and who we want to be.

My trip to Okinawa and Tokyo was a good one. I screened two of my films and spoke to military families about the spiritual nature of raising kids with special needs. When I finished my last workshop I was satisfied and felt empowered.

While there, I met wives and enlisted women in the Army and Marines. These were incredibly powerful women (with a sprinkling of men) who have kids with special needs. In getting to know them and their stories, each one struck me as brave beyond imagination. Despite their struggles to raise kids under the most extreme of circumstances – in many cases with a deployed spouse off in Iraq, Afghanistan, and other strategic place in between – they show up in everyday life as heroes. Not just as mothers with challenging circumstances mind you, but in the courage they demonstrate daily in sacrificing so much for their families and for our country.

This got me thinking. How about me? For what am I proud? How brave am I? How willing am I to go above and beyond? How awake I’ve been recently? The answer is not as much as I would like to be. Certainly less than what I expect from myself. Simply put, I had not been as powerful in my choices as I wish to be.

I have to admit recently I have allowed myself to forget ritual daily affirmations of gratitude and acts of courage. From the war I was putting out of my mind; the economic worries I let slip into my consciousness; to the comfort of sleepy, safe Thousand Oaks, I have been more focused on my own family issues than on giving and being courageous in the broader fabric of life and country. I have not been completely asleep as I live my life, but have been sleepy for sure.

I have worried about my eldest son who has had a tough time lately as he journeys into adulthood. I guess I thought with all the tools I had provided him, that he’d pass some magical line – his own Meridian divide – into adulthood where his autism would be less and less an issue. I have felt guilty that I have not been there enough for my youngest son as much as I would like as he ventures into high school next year. Worries about my house, its need for repairs, weeds growing taller on the side of the house, filing my (late) taxes, and recovering from my divorce (bla, bla, bla) had me in a state of “when” as I was missing “now.”

My work with military moms opened my eyes. Crossing the Meridian detailed my focus. Since coming home, I have chosen to “remember what I tend to forget.” That is to have more courage and daily practice in consciously choosing faith. I am remembering to remind myself on a daily basis (a two-part process remembering to remember) what I forget everyday: that this is the only moment I have.

AND SO, I STAND FOR:

Illumination over darkness
Excellence over average
Power over servitude
Possibilities over lack
Peace over war
Love over hate
Acceptance over judgment
Safety over fear
Passion over pain
Human rights over silence
Green planet over brown bags
Ghandi over oppression
Children always first
and occasionally…clothing instead pajamas!

Recently I read Marianne Williamson’s book “The Age of Miracles.” I hear Marianne is a new resident of our town. As a powerful spiritual teacher and author, we are lucky to have her energy amongst our midst.

The Age of Miracles is about the need for global transformation, change, and personal awareness of our personal power as we (women) get older. The purpose of her book is to psychologically and spiritually reframe this transition so that it leads to a wonderful sense of joy and awakening.

And this my girl-power-Goddess friends is the Meridian divide. It is the difference between who we are and who we want to be; our ability to be awake in our lives or slumber in the midst of its unfoldment. It is a call for transformation to reveal our truer selves; a call to personal power.

We are all frail to a point in our lives. It is so easy to allow the trials of the day become creepy crawlers in the night. And so I challenge you too to ask yourself daily “Who do I choose to be today?”

As for me, I made an appointment with my tax guy, am clearing out the weeds in my side yard, putting a fresh coat of paint in my son’s room, and tomorrow, I’m going out to buy myself a new pair of high heels. It’s also time to get fresh and sexy!